A frenemy is a friend and enemy rolled into a mixed-up mess of cutting remarks passed off as compliments. She may even be genuinely fond of you, but negative emotions like envy have gotten in the way. A frenemy is tough to spot when she’s disguised as a bud who has your back. And frenemies come in many different forms, so we’re here to help you sort through the confusion:
Bride Wars Battles
You saw the movie Bride Wars, right? The two brides-to-be have been BFFs since, like, kindergarten. Next thing you know, they’re all-out sabotaging each other’s wedding because they both want to book the same venue on the same date. If you and a friend-turned-enemy are battling it out, the culprit could be jealousy, misunderstandings, stress or all of the above.
But while you’re hating on each other -- and these feelings can be very real -- you still love her. And fear of losing her forever can fuel even more irrational behavior. When you and a bestie are in enemy mode, rather than tossing verbal darts, steer clear until you’ve simmered down enough to try to work it out. OK?
The City Syndrome
If you watched last season of MTV’s The City, you’re familiar with the tense relationship between the reality show’s star Whitney and her co-worker Olivia. Classic frenemies! They pretend to like each other because they have to be cordial -- at work and in social settings -- but deep down, it’s clear there’s no big dose of love there.
This kind of frenemy is someone you did not choose but were tossed in with. Maybe it’s your lab partner or that girl on your gymnastics team, and you two just don’t jive. But instead of making a scene, you make nice. Whitney’s mistake was trying to socialize with Olivia. Keep a frenemy like this at arm’s length by only seeing her when you have to.
Head for The Hills
When Kristin joined the cast of MTV’s The Hills, she immediately went after Audrina’s ex Justin -- after acting like she cared about Audrina’s feelings. Kristin also flirts with her own ex-boyfriend Brody while feigning a “friendly” attitude toward his girlfriend, Jayde. Sounds like a lot of drama, eh?
If you have a huge crew like the one on The Hills, you’re likely drawn to one another because you have so much in common. You like the same clothes, same activities … same boys. This creates a need to compete. If your frenemy is a boyfriend snatcher, keep your dignity intact by never letting her see you’re bugged. She can’t win if you make it clear there’s no contest!
Gossip Girl Fight
Leighton Meester and Jessica Szohr of The CW’s Gossip Girl are great friends off camera. But their characters on the show -- Blair and Vanessa -- don’t exactly get along. And word on the street is that in real life, Leighton and Blake Lively have a mini rivalry going on. When you’re part of a social clique, not everyone will … well, click. It’s all just a little too close for comfort, and there are bound to be conflicts.
If your frenemy is tight with your other friends, she can be hard to avoid. Your best bet is to know your place with her: She’s an acquaintance, not a confidant. Have fun casually hanging out, but it might not be a great idea to trust her with your secrets, dreams, passions and concerns. Save those for your true-blue buds.
The Bud Breakup
You’ve outgrown a friendship and want out? If you’re just not that into her anymore but don’t want to totally close the door, it’s OK to phase it out. Limit your contact to an occasional phone call or email. Tell her you’re really busy with activities, schoolwork, family or whatever and don’t have a lot of time to hang out.
After getting some space, you might decide to stay friends. Or not. If your old friend is doing things that are unsafe, illegal or just not nice, totally parting ways could be the best course. Here’s how:
1. Tell her face to face Don’t text or email, and do not get someone else to do it for you.
2. Be nice You were good friends once, even if you’ve grown apart.
3. Let her know why you feel this way Be honest.
4. Honor what you had It was good while it lasted.
5. Give her a chance to respond
6. Stick with her until you’re both OK Don’t leave feeling icky about what went down.
She might get angry or even cry, but it's important to be strong and stay true to your feelings without being mean. If you do your best, someday you’ll have only good memories of your friendship instead of bad feelings about your breakup.
